Free Macs tomorrow!*
*not really
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Jesse Langanki
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The Legend of the Apple.
by: Jesse Langanki
Once upon a time Steve Jobs was walking through the forest picking apples. Then he came upon a strange Apple that was very different looking. This Apple was colorfully striped and looked delicious. He carefully picked the Apple and lowered it to his face where he took a huge bite from it. He was right, It was delicious. But this was the only Apple around that was as wonderful as this.
He ran home and called his friend Woz over to see it. They looked it over in the garage and decided to try to create something as beautiful as this Apple. They began experimenting with apples by adding chemicals to try to make them colorful. All the Apples turned beige and ugly. Jobs sold these anyway and people paid thousands of dollars for them.
About 20 years later Steve Jobs began experimenting again. He didn't have any apples this time so he found a carton of eggs in the refrigerator. He didn't try to make the eggs striped. Now he would try something easier like one color. He added some juices from the original Apple to these eggs and it worked! They turned a beautiful color. He decided to call this egg an iMac and sold it to millions of people.
They liked it so much that he made even more eggs with different colors. He sold millions of these too. But now he was running out of color. The Apple's stripes were fading. Then one day all of the stripes were gone. Look under your keyboard and you can still see this poor Apple that has lost all its stripes.
The End.
Ok. I admit it.
This link is even more useless than anything else on this site.
Do you dare to click it?
It's waiting for you here.
Last updated:
June 17, 1999
Come back soon!
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I love to be bookmarked!
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HTML Games:
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These html-based games are played right from your browser.
No downloading!
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Play the official Useless Macintosh Site video game!
Journey to SpaceStation MacOpSys
It's fun! It's free! It's a waste of time!
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Try out the Mac OS 8.5 Simulator!
Mac OS 8.5 Simulator v0.22
Your Mac away from home!
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Man vs. Mac*
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Processor: Brain
Speed: .000001 MHz
RAM: 6 bytes
VRAM: 3000 MB
Hard drive: 50 GB |
Processor: G3
Speed: 500 MHz
RAM: 64 MB
VRAM: 4 MB
Hard drive: 8 GB |
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* Human values may be approximated. Speed and RAM are based on testing the brain against the G3 with complex mathematical operations.
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Brand new! The G4!! This computer is similar to Apple's flat panel display except for a slight bump on the bottom where the computer is. The DVD-RAM drive is side loading and ultra-fast!
(note: this computer does not exist) |
| With the G5 Apple will again go back to the two piece design. There is the standard "ufo" computer with SMD drive (Super Mini Disk). Plus a cord runs from this to the HMU display (Holographic Monitor Unit). They've gone 3 letter abbreviation crazy!
(note: this computer also does not exist) |
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Should you trust those website tune-up sites?
Here's something kind of ironic. Websites such as Web Site Garage offer to test your website for efficiency if you enter your url. It then gives you a rating such as Excellent, Good, etc. depending on how well your website performs. I entered http://www.websitegarage.com as the url and guess what it rated itself? "Good". Shouldn't they take their own advice and make there own website "Excellent"?
SiteInspector had better luck. It didn't have any problem giving itself a 5 out of 5 rating and an award for such a great job.
Microsoft is a generic brand.
Why is every Microsoft product generic? First of all, Microsoft is just short for Microcomputer Software. Windows is an OS with windows which is where it got its name. Other generic products include Internet Explorer, Flight Simulator, Golf, Office, Word, and Money. It's only a matter of time before Microsoft Corridor Shooter or Microsoft Graphic Adventure come out. Apple products, on the other hand, have imaginative names. These include cool apple references such as: Apple (don't ask how this is related to apples), Macintosh (McIntosh apples), and Newton (he was hit on the head with an apple).
Recent Updates:
New 6/17/99: The Legend of the Apple. Just a little story I made up in the past few minutes.
New 6/13/99: Severely Annoying Page link. Yes it's totally useless. You'll find it here.
New 6/12/99: This website! Yes it just came out today. Of course there's nobody to read this because I haven't registered with search engines
New 6/1/98: The original website was created which has gone through several evolutions to become the Useless Macintosh Site. Those were the days...Geocities hosted this site, I got about 5 hits a week, and this site looked more like a ufo site than a Mac site (don't ask). |
